How to let go of perfectionism as an hsp - and strive for excellence
Perfectionism is like jet fuel for my anxiety. But what if HSPs can turn it into something that’s actually healthy?
As a highly sensitive person (HSP) and writer, I personally deal with battling perfectionism at work and in my spare time. I’ve often told myself, “If this article/poem/story comes out just right with no errors, I’ll be worthy of the success and praise I get from others.”
When I do this, I’m putting loads of pressure on myself and setting my expectations to dizzying heights that can never be reached. This weighs on my anxiety and becomes exhausting, doing more harm than good.
So why do I rely so heavily on being perfect?
Perfectionism is a predetermined that we can never make mistakes or be imperfect.
On the contrary, while striving for excellence can help you achieve goals and keep you motivated, perfectionism is the opposite of this. It’s an unhealthy coping mechanism that only holds you back from producing your best work.
HSPs often find pseudo-comfort in perfectionism as a way to control feelings of anxiety and fear. By not allowing mistakes to happen and only striving for perfection, it’s easy to feel protected against those unwanted, negative emotions that come with letting ourselves or others down. (And since we’re so empathic, we do not like to let others down!)
In this article, we’ll discuss how — and why — perfectionism affects us, and how a simple reframing toward striving for excellence can help us move past mistakes and imperfections and accomplish great things.
What perfectionism is like as an hsp
HSPs are hardwired to feel deeply. We experience emotions in a more profound way, whether they’re good or bad.
It’s no wonder HSPs tend to avoid negative emotions at all cost. And aiming for perfection seems to help us do so. In reality, the root of perfectionism is in fear.
As perfectionists, we convince ourselves that anything less than perfect isn’t good enough and that failing isn’t an option. And if we fail, we quickly identify ourselves as failures — by proxy, others will be disappointed in us.
HSPs not only feel deeply, but we care deeply in the work we do — our sense of purpose is important to us. That’s why it’s easy for us to link our self-worth to our jobs, the amount of work we produce, and our level of capability. Therefore comes the belief that any mistakes made along the way is a result of our “unworthiness.”
Here are some signs that you might be a perfectionist HSP:
Obsessing over mistakes
Setting unrealistic standards
Fearing failure
Constantly worrying about letting others down
Trying to control the outcome
Overthinking and procrastination
Fortunately, when we name the “why” behind the driving force of our perfectionism, we have a greater understanding of how to cope with the emotions it brings to the surface. To help us understand our personal relationship with perfectionism, let’s look at two different types of perfectionism.
2 Different Types of Perfectionism
What is the root cause of your perfectionism?
It is important to know where you find yourself on this “perfectionism spectrum,” as it creates a line between striving for perfection to please others or because we strive to do our best work.
Here, we break down perfectionism into two different types:
Social-driven perfectionists can be very self-critical. They place pressure on themselves in fear of letting others (family, friends, colleagues, etc.) down, and worry that if they fail to meet certain expectations, they will be rejected. Their driven goals rely heavily on gaining others’ approval.
Self-driven perfectionists are conscious of the high standards they set for themselves. Their actions are based on personal drive — with realistic goals — that leave room to be flexible and adaptive. They are positively motivated, organized, and assertive in what they want.
While striving for perfectionism as the ultimate goal is unhealthy, having high standards is completely reasonable. By understanding the root motivator for your perfectionism, you can decide whether your need for perfectionism is working for, or against, you.
When perfectionism is caused by our need to please others or hide behind negative beliefs about ourselves, perfectionism can do more than damage good. So how can we, as HSPs, reframe perfectionism in a way that helps us strive for excellence, so we can feel more motivated and confident to accomplish big things — while letting go of the mistakes we make along the way?
Below are some helpful tips on how to recognize, and combat, perfectionism.